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Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays...

Dec. 24th, 2006 | 03:11 pm
location: Clarkston, Mi
mood: content content
music: So This Is Christmas

So I've been home for a while now, and the stay has been ok. 

I got to see Ashley a few days ago which was nice.  I haven't seen her in a long time.  She looks great and seems to be doing well which makes me happy.  I love you, Ash!

There are a few other people I'd liek to see while I am home, like the twinners.  I haven't seen them in a while and would really love to catch up with them.  I also would like to try and see the guys- that is, if they are even interested in seeing me.

Speaking of guys- I have been spending time with Jamie here and there, which is nice.  He came over to decorate the tree with the family which was a good time.  It is a long standing family tradition that we decorate the tree together, and I was surprised my father said it was ok for him to come over,  The rents liek him- a lot, and so does the big sis.  Mom and Liz say if I mess this one up I'm gunna get it.  But what they don't realize is that I am actually serious this time.  No fooling around, I am ready to settle down and there is no one I'd rather be with than Jamie.  I LOVE YOU, HUN!

Well, I guess I better get helping my mom with Christmas Eve dinner.  Today is going to be crazy with all the festivities.  First, we eat dinner, then we do presents, then we go to a friend's for thier Christmas party.  We really should fit church in there somewere, but I don't know how we'll do it.  Its just not the same since Chippy moved away- we used to go to a service with his family.  I wonder what the old Chipster is up to these days...

Anyways, I wish you all the merriest of Christmases.  Keep in touch!


The song in my heart is "Merry Christmas Darling," by the Carpenters.  This one goes out to Jamie...

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one more wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas Darling
We're apart that's true
But I can dream and in my dreams,
I'm Christmas-ing with you.

Holidays are joyful
There's always something new
But every day's a holiday
When I'm near to you

The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you a merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you

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I Got A Brand-New Boyfriend...

Oct. 9th, 2006 | 12:12 am
location: Mt. Pleasant
mood: happy happy
music: silence (its golden)

Yeah, I know it is kind of early but sometimes you just know- you know? 


His name is Jamie and he is a grad student for the Biology department.   We like to go on long walks through the park, play with the animals in the laboratory, and just hang out.  He really is the sweetest thing… just a few days ago he surprised me with four-dozen roses!  I really like this one a lot guys. 


Here we are…




Yuppers.  Been spending a lot of time with that boy.  He makes me pretty happy. 


Anyway, life is going pretty well otherwise.  Went home this weekend which was OK, I guess.  I at least got to see Ash and spend some time with her.  We saw Employee of the Month which was hilarious!  I highly encourage all of you to see it.  Good times, good times.  The only bad part about this weekend was it really hit me how Clarkston is not my home anymore.  I mean, its where I did a lot of growing up and it is where my parents live, but it just doesn’t feel like home.  I don’t know if it is because my mother moved around my room (again) and it is not recognizable or if it because all my high school friends are gone or what.  It just seems so lonely there.  I was anxious to get back and hang out with Emily, the girls, Steve, and Jamie so I came back on Saturday.   I hung out with Jamie and we went to the Byrd to shoot some darts.  Then today we played catch, and he took me to Dow Gardens to walk around.  It was sweet.  Like I said I have been spending a lot of time with him…  which brings me to something else.


I hope I am not upsetting anyone by spending so much time with him.  It’s just that I feel like we have so much in common and I am so happy right now.  I love you guys tons as well- you know I always will!


Classes are another story in my life right now.  Jamie is tutoring me in Ecology and I seem to be doing pretty well… I guess we will see considering I get my exam back this week sometime.  Algebra on the other hand proves to be more challenging and I really should be working on it more… I just don’t get it!  I want to find a tutor but all they have are sessions to go to and I really work better with one on one instruction instead of a classroom full of people all needing help.  Wei has been helping me a lot, but she has other stuff she needs to do.  I just hope I can pass this class and get on with my college career!


Speaking of, I better go and study.  Only 3 more midterms to go!  Whoo hoo!


Later days!





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All I can say is...

Sep. 25th, 2006 | 11:56 pm
mood: excited excited


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Cliche, I know, but I will always love you...

Sep. 23rd, 2006 | 03:30 pm
location: Mt. Pleasant
mood: sad sad
music: Another You- Cascada

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go but I know,
I'll think of you
every step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

You. My darling you. Mmmm.

Bittersweet memories,
That is all I am taking with me.
So goodbye, please don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

I hope life treats you kind,
And I hope you have
All you've dreamed of.
and I'm wishing you joy,
And happiness.
But above all this, I'm wishing you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you...
I will always love you...

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I'll be on the road again... soon.

Sep. 20th, 2006 | 04:21 pm
location: Mt. PLeasant
mood: blank blank
music: I Will Alwyas Love You- LeAnne Rhime's version

So Summer is obviously over and we are a few weeks into the new semester here at CMU. A lot has happened since I have been up here and I apologize for not updating earlier, but it has just been crazy.

First off, and foremost, I broke things off with Sean a few nights ago. We had some really good times, and no matter what happens I will always have a special place in my heart for him. Why did I do it? Sometimes I find myself asking the same thing. I think I just realized how different we truly were. I was asking him to change things about himself that makes him, well him. It just wasnt right. He deserves someone who will accept and love him for who he is no matter what. We had a lot of good times, and I am so happy that God brought him into my life. Thank you for everything.

As many of you know, my hero, Steve Irwin died. I really wanted to be able to work with him someday. It was a horrible freak thing, and I am really sad. It just goes to show how unpredictable nature can be. He will be greatly missed.

My salamander died. I donated Tiger to the herpetology lab so he could be with all the other animals. Well, I ran into my friend Brittany one day and she said she didnt see him in his tank. When I went in, I couldnt find him either, so I asked Matt where he was. He looked in the freezer and pulled out a salamander sickle. Needless to say I was upset no one even informed me. I thought he was pretty healthy, but I guess once again nature is unpredictable. I ordered another one from Soldans Pet Store, but I will never forget Tiger.

Classes are crazy. I am juggling 6 of them (16 credits). I signed my major and I am officially a Parks and Recreation major concentrating in Outdoor and Environmental Recreation. I also signed my minor, which is now Conservation of Natural Resources Biology. I am currently dropping the Art minor- hopefully someday I will pick it back up again.

So things have been busy lately but I am handling them as best as I can. I have been a little down recently, but I am sure I will get though it. Im kind of on a detour right now, but Ill be on the road again soon.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Later days,


The song of the day, and probably the week is Another You, by Cascada.

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time's been healing me and I say goodbye

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not await the dawn to bring another day
Your not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you that just fade away

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You're still apart of my life

But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you
I'll find another you

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back in action

Aug. 17th, 2006 | 03:28 pm
location: Home- Clarkston
mood: good good
music: Fly Leaf

So first of all I want to apologize for my last entry, as it was a bit extreme.  I am home now and doing much better.  :)

So I had my tonsils taken out about two weeks ago and I am recovering beautifully.  It feels a bit odd, but I am glad they are gone.  Now hopefully, I wont be as sick as much- which is a good thing.  Yay!  An odd thing about the surgery though... they brought me into the operating room before they gave me anesthesia.  Then, after they injected it into my IV they asked me to hoist myself up onto the operating table.  My reply?  "But.. its... so.. hard...."  I think I passed out on them because all I remember is waking up 45 min later getting fed ice cubes and popsicles!  

I haven’t really been doing much since the surgery.. just kind of being lazy.  I did however, audition for a talent agency called One Source Talent.  I got an email through MySpace from an agent asking me to audition with them.  She told me I had a good look and she liked my photos, so I thought "what the hell?"  I mean, it was just an audition.  So Sean took me and waited about 2 hours as I went through the process of being measured and whatnot.  Turns out they wanted me to come back for an interview, so I went back the next day.  After reviewing a brief resumes and looking at some snapshots I had taken that day, they accepted me!  Of course, they want me to pay nearly $400 to post professional photos on their website and make me a comp card- which is liek a resumes for models.  I am still not sure what to think.  $400 is quite a bit of money for me to cough up right now, and I still have to buy my books and pay for this month's rent.  I don’t think I will be joining them right now. Its sad, as it has always been a dream since I was a child to belong to an agency and get promoted for acting and modeling.  Now is just not the right time. 

In other news, I move up to CMU tomorrow to move some stuff in.  Sean is taking me up in his truck and we will stay the weekend with Ryan and Emily up in our new place.   Katie will move in on Saturday, Wei will come on Sunday, and Lisa (Eddie) will move up on Tuesday.  Emily and I are leaving Sunday to come back home and we will be returning for good sometime next week.  I am so excited!  I am going to miss Sean a lot, and this semester is going to prove to be tough, but I know I can do it.... we both can.

Sean and I are doing well.  Like I said, this semester is going to be hard and a true test of our relationship as we both have tough schedules.  He is studying to be an EMT, so his schedule is definitely going to be rigorous.  I am taking Algebra and Geology, along with some other crappy courses, plus my parents ant me to find a tutor and a job.  I am not sure how it is all going to work out, but I pray it will.  I am not going to see much of him I know, but I have faith we can make it work.  I love him so much.

Well, that’s about it for now.  I will update after I move in this weekend.  I am so excited!  

Later days,


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I want to go home now

Jul. 26th, 2006 | 08:27 pm
location: Beaver Island
mood: crappy crappy
music: none

I want the heck off of this bloody island.  I honestly cannot stand one more day here, and I have 6 left.  I miss Ashley, I miss Emily, I miss Sean... I miss all my friends back at CMU... I miss food that isn't distributed by f-ing SYSCO.  I want out.  

Work sucks.  I once again get stuck with all the crappy "bitch work" while everyone else takes thier sweet time slicing cheesecake or whatnot.  The only good part about work is that at lunch and dinner dishes are done by 3 student workers... one of which... UGH!!!  Plus, even though they re doign dishes, this still leaves pots and pans.  Guess who gets stuck doign them most of the time?  Oh, and I still bring in the food, and put it away.  I know this is apart of my job but, I HATE IT! 

I am sick of the people up here.  I use to love them and think of them as friends, but now I see that I never really was a friend- just a piece of ass or whatever.  I miss my real freinds.  I miss you guys.  I feel so diconnected and so far away.  I am. I feel so lost without you.  Words can't express my anger, my hurt, my sadness right now.  I just feel so alone.  I need you guys right now.  Please tell me you are still there and will be when I get back.

I feel like being up here has been a waste of my summer.  I could be at home, sleeping in... in my own bed next to my puppy, babysitting, paddle boating with Wei, going on adventures with Emily, hanging out with my BFF Ashley, partying with my Pooty Girl Katie,  spending time with Sean....  But no.  Instead I am stuck on an Island 6 hours away from home with a bunch of people who act liek they are my friends but really aren't.  I am stuck in a place where I wake up at 5, come back to my mesely unit. sleep thru lunch, go back to work at 3:30, come back to the unit and just stare blankly at the computer screen searching for some sign of civilization outside this shithole that is my world.

Life doesn't sound that bad to you guiys, I know.  Who wouldn'tr want to live on a pretty island way the hell away from saburbia?  That seems kind of nice, right?  Who wouldnt want to work from 5-9AM, have a break and work again form 3:30-7:30 PM, in a kitchen.  Soudns pretty good, right? And who woudln't want to live on a lake all summer with new faces and friends?  Seems kinda cool, right?  NO.  I can't take this anymore people.  I need the hell out.  

I know I chose this.  I know I wanted to get away.  I'm sorry, ok?  I MADE A MISTAKE AND I AM SORRY FOR IT.

This expereince hasn't been all bad.  I have my good days.  Bon fires are fun, volleyball is a blast... Some people are nice.  Well, just last week after I passed out Treavor said he was sorry he is never nice to me.  Ever since then,. I have seen him in a new light.  But it is all so miniscuel.  The bad out number the good.  I am burned out.  Tired.  Ca-put.  Done.  I am ready to go home now.

Going to sleep.  Seem to be doing a lot of that lately... what was that quote from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban?  " Let them sleep.  In dreams we are in a world that is entirely our own.  Let them climb the highest mountains, let them..... " something.  Let me sleep, and tell me that everythign will be okay int he morning.

Later days,


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One Week

Jul. 23rd, 2006 | 07:53 pm
location: Beaver Island
mood: okay okay

So it has beeen a while since I have written anything.  A lot has gone on the past week, so bare with me.  =)

First of all, Sean came up to visit a few weeks ago and stayed for 5 days.  That was an absolute blast.  We went to the beach, swam, basked in the sun, went to the bon fires, and spent a lot of one on one tiem together.  ;)  I have soem pics for ya guys... 

We went out to the sand dunes at Greens Bay with some friends to watch the sun set.  It was a great time! 

Us at different bon fires... those were a blast!

So Sean left on Sunday, which was sad.  But amazign things can never last...

 Monday came and was the usual working 6 AM breakfast 'til 9:00, and working lunch from 3:30 until 7:30 PM. 

Tuesday- same thing.

Wednesday- I passed out at work.  Yes, Lauren and the EMT's meet once again.  This time I was nice to them, which is truely a first.  I have never really liekd EMT's but then again, every other time I have passed out it was from not eating.  This was heat exhaustion.  And guess what?  I went bck to work after the EMT's left.  Figures.

Thursday- sme as monday and tuesday.

Friday-  Finally, a break!  I worked breakfast and that was it.  Later that night I went to the Beaver Island Music festival and heard this kick ass group called the Ragbirds.  Check them out, they are totally cool.

Saturday-  What a day!  I worked breakfat from 7-10 AM, lunch from 10 AM- 1:45 had a little break and worked this hige ass dinner from 3:30 until 9 PM.  Thats a litle over 12 hours people.  Needless to say I was exhausted.  Buty guess what?  I made it through with no panick attacks!  It was great!  Then, later last night I went to the bon fire to hang out with the new students that are up here.  Very cool people.  One guy even went to town and bought a huge bag of booze for everybody.  He personally made sure he got me a mini bottle of Absolute.  It was a great time . . .

Today-  I worked lunch and thats it.  I almost missed dinenr due to sleeping.  I haven't been myself lately guys.  I am tired, moody, fatigued... After I passed out at work, a nurse asked me if I coudl be pregnant, and immediately I was liek "No!"  But then it started to worry me, so I went to the doctors to get a test.  No babies for me, thank God, BUT THEY re not sure what is wrong.  One nurse said it could be from lack of sleep. I personally think I am exhausted.  Exhausted from this Island, work, and everything.  I need to get home.  Only a little over a week left!

Oh, I have great news to report!  After 6 years I have finally been weaned of the Prozac.  The nurse thinks it may be the cause of my latest issues.  I am just excited to be off of it finally.   Its been a long and bupy road through high school and these past few years, but I made it and I a proud to ssay I no longer need the Prozac.  I do, however still have the Stratera (for ADD) and the the Abilify (Mood stablizer).  But, I have one less drug in my body and that makes me happy.  YAY!

Well, I am outta here.  Think I will get ready for bed early.  I coudl use the sleep.  Hope you guys are doing well!

Later days,


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jumping for my love

Jul. 12th, 2006 | 10:12 am
location: Beaver Island
mood: excited excited
music: Jump For My Love (A Mix for Sean)

So this morning I went into the lodge to work, and apparently someone left a door open last night because the cafeteria was covered in bugs.  I mean, seriously- it looked liek the walls were moving.  It was so gross!  Guess who did most of the cleanup?  Thas right... me.  But Matt had to cook so it is all good.  He is really good about helping out... not like... the other one...

Anywho, Sean will be here in about 1/2 and hour!  WHOOO HOO!  I am so geeked that I cannot even contain myself.  He will be up here until sunday, so I won't be writing much.  ;)

Well guys, I'm out.  Hope you all are well and enjoyign your summers.  Keep writing those entries and keep in touch when you can!

Later days,


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bored, but alive

Jul. 10th, 2006 | 02:06 pm
location: Beaver Island
mood: contemplative contemplative
music: A Mix For Sean

Hey there all!  Sorry it has been a while since I am written but really, I just haven't felt liek reliving the shit that is my life right now.

Work sucks.  I always end up doing the shit work.  Maybe this is because my boss hates me, maybe its just all in my head.  I am not sure but I dred going every day.  Its like no matter what I do, I always end up getting more of it, especially when working with one co worker.  He will deliberatley do dishes when there are few to do so I get stuck with a ton of pots and pans.   He deliberaley takes a 30 minutes to make a tossed salad so I get stuck cleaning the dining room.  He delibeeraely takes his sweet time doing the dishes so I end up washing tables and sweeping ther floor.  I just can't take it anymore.  I am reallt beginning to hate this job.

Life on the Island isnt all I thought it was cracked up to be.  Sure it is nice, and beautiful place- but there is nothign to do!  It doesnt help that there are only about 30 of us at the sation so we are basically stuck with one another.  I miss my freinds, I actually miss my family.  I miss normal mainland life!  I need to get out of here!

Anyway... in better news, Sean is coming up in just a few days!  I am so geeked I could ... well... i dunno, but it would be spectacular.  I am not sure what we are going to do, or what he is going to do while I am at work during the day, but I am sure we will find something.  I LOVE YOU HUN!

I think I am finally desscided what I am goign to do with my life.  I have decided to persue Parks and Rec., consentrating in Environmental and Outdoor Recreation, with a minor in Earth Sciences.  This means I am throwing out my Art minor becasue I just can't handle two minors.  This makes me a littlew upset considering all the time and money I have put into my art classes thus far.  Who knows, maybe someday I will go back to school and get that degree.  Not right now though.  Right now I am focussed on getting this degree for parks and rec.  My goal is to be finished in 3 years so Sean and I can move out west and find jobs at Yellow Stone.  He has a connection who works at the park who says it mught be possible to hook us up with jobs.  This is 3 years away, granted, but still the thought is nice.

Sean and I have been doing a lot of planning for the future.  He finished his fire fighting education and is now workign on going to school for beign and EMT.  In a bout a few years he is going to try to do get a job in Mt. Pleasnt so we can live together.  After that I will have graduated and he will have had enough training to where we can move out to Yellowstone and both get jobs.  I hope this works.  I dream about moving out west living in the most beautiful park I have ever seen with the man I love.  Cheesy, I know- but so what.

One thing at a time though.  I have to get through this semester first.  Let me tell you, it is not going to be easy.  Here is my schedule:



            10:00 AM -  Intro to Outdoor Recreation




            9:30 AM – College Algebra

            2:00 PM – Phys. Geology




            10:00 AM - Intro to Outdoor Recreation

            11:00 AM – Into to Leisure Services
            6:00 PM – Oceanography




            9:30 AM – College Algebra

            12:00 PM – Phys. Geology Lab

            2:00 PM – Phys. Geology




            10:00 AM - Intro to Outdoor Recreation

Geology.  Physical Geology, people.  This is going to kick my ass.  I am really going to have to buckle down and study.  I better do good this semester or I am coming home and re-arrangign my life... again.

Well, it is off to work for me.  Fun times, fun times.  Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying thier summers.  I wish I could see you guys.  I will be home August 1st though, and then back up to Mt. Pleassant the 20th.  

Later days!



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